Healing process for incest victims requires support, a listening ear, not rebuke nor cowed into silence

As abominable as incest is as it is committed one’s own blood, Wanita MCA notes the growing courage among victims to lodge police reports and urges more victims to step forward and to no longer suffer in silence. The rising awareness of this taboo topic and a refusal to remain quiet, sees an average of 15 incest cases reported monthly (The Malay Mail Online, 4 June 2021).

Surviving incest can be isolating, but it is pertinent for victims to know that they are not alone. Family members, irrespective of gender or age, who find themselves locked in such an unfortunate situation and require legal advice or counselling may seek out our Wanita MCA Legal Advisory and Women’s Aid Centre (LAWA): 03-2716 5943 / 012-3863884; Monday to Friday 9:00 am to 5:30 pm, or, Talian Kasih hotline 15999 for assistance.

The trauma from incest can leave permanent wounds on one’s mental and physical health as trust in one’s closest kin is broken. Hence, it is important to always have a listening ear for the victim. When a victim confides, do not be judgemental or act holier-than-thou. Never berate the victim, ordering her or him to hide the subject as it is “acceptable as the person is family or in a position of power, wealth” or “it is a done thing” or “it will bring shame to the family” or “that’s a lie”. Any support rendered will aid in the victim’s healing process and discourage others from such engaging in such abuse. More importantly, encourage, accompany the victim to file a police report.

Besides the above, we should always encourage any child or teenager or even an elderly person, to speak up and report to parents or someone trusted on any inappropriate touches or other sexual and vile acts that have been committed against them, despite the predator having cajoled or warned them against disclosing, and despite the pervert being a close relative. 

Sex education is one method in the prevention process. Family and schools must educate the young on sexual advances, sexuality, which sort of touches constitute sexual violation. The syllabus should inculcate family values, reproductive health, safeguarding children from predators within the family. Differentiate the boundaries between familial love and unnatural intimate romances.

in short, to lodge a police report against one’s own family member requires tremendous stealth as the consequence, uncertainties and especially shame can cause friction and ostracisation within one’s own family. But to keep sealing one’s lips is to continue to agonise in silence.

Datuk Heng Seai Kie
Wanita MCA National Chairperson

-MCA Online-